normalcy

two months ago, rising up from the floor seemed impossible. a dog’s paws, literally on her arm, holding. consoling. there was the shaking. the uncontrollable sobbing. and then the shriveling. the weakness. the darkness. the hunger. but now lying in bed, naked, a glimmer of light peeks through the blinds, accentuating the curves of her […]

Read more "normalcy"

good

it was quite a day of ups and downs. and not just in yoga. heard from someone I’ve been missing so, so much and it both helped and hurt … but it was needed. much needed. dare I say it was even good. difficult, yes. but good. there was therapy right after (thank goodness) and […]

Read more "good"

process

please don’t tell me how to grieve. stop saying that I overshare. stop telling me that I’m humiliating myself by talking about all of the good memories. and please stop telling me I need to be angry and move on. stop telling me things that make the tiniest pieces of my heart that haven’t yet […]

Read more "process"

breathe

watch me as I go … to yoga. today was my first yoga class. this is me, after the class: dude. I’m smiling. and I’m not going to tell you if I faked it or not. 😉 but hey. I didn’t fall over. I twisted up just like a pretzel, exactly like I was supposed […]

Read more "breathe"

lighten up

sometimes when we mess up, or something happens to us, we find it hard, impossible even, to stop ourselves from carrying that with us throughout the rest of our days. we know we’re doing it, and yet we can’t stop it. sometimes that load is too much. sometimes we need help. and too often we […]

Read more "lighten up"

no comfort

when I move my foot over even a few inches, it’s just cold. I wake and immediately feel alone. yesterday, I woke crying. I don’t know how long I’d been crying. that was weird. I told someone the other day that I remember this part … the not being able to leave my tiny corner. […]

Read more "no comfort"

thread

it’s startling, really, how a simple object collecting dust around the house can leave you whimpering on the ground like a dying rat. and then, once you’ve gained a bit of your composure, you look around and realize that even from the vantage point down here on the floor every god damn item within eyeshot […]

Read more "thread"

let them fly

she held the memories close to her heart. memories are, after all, what keeps us moving. they keep us loving and learning and wanting more. what else do we have but memories? they are our stories. they weave us into who we are now and who we’ll become tomorrow. she knew change was imminent. it […]

Read more "let them fly"

watch us as we go

we went to Europe. we counted down the days. we talked about it as if it were a faraway dream. but then we made it happen. we went to Europe. and I’m going to tell you more about it as soon as I can wrap my head around it all. it’s a pretty big deal, […]

Read more "watch us as we go"

soar

it’s her own fault. she put him there, up on that pedestal. the same pedestal he uses to climb up so he can look down on her. to yell at her. to make her feel like a child. she feels defenseless and worthless. and it’s her own fault, building him up that way. giving him that position. backing […]

Read more "soar"